Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Be realistic about mythical creatures... A unicorn speaks out


just a quick note to say that I listened to the most recent podcast and the unicorn talk resonated with me of course! The idea that couples are looking for the omni-available but not clingy , experienced but probably not nasty, and oh-so beautiful woman to share their bed made me laugh a bit bitterly.  It probably resonated all the more so because I just had to get a little rude with an ex-possible couple.  I say couple but it was always the guy who was in contact and he would not fuck off when told to do so nicely!  I originally made the rookie mistake of hanging on and thinking that he would get a clue and because I thought his wife was both hot and nice.  Stupid me, but in hindsight my main bitch was that I had to be perfect for them (him?) in word and deed but it seemed like my feelings and requests were, in ascending order of gravity, not understood, not listened to or just dismissed out of hand.  Perhaps an extreme case but my advice to couples looking for a unicorn is to not only to put yourself in her shoes but to use those 'famous' communication skills that are so good between swinging partners and actually ask her what she feels about the situation and what she wants.  Act on the information if it lines up with what you want.  If it isn't a fit for you then be cool and direct about it when you explain why. 

End of rant!  Please feel free to forward, publish or reference as much as you want,

Our response...

Dearest C,

Thanks for your thoughts.  I'm sorry you had to get rude with that guy.  People can be very insensitive and we feel badly when anyone is mistreated in the lifestyle.  The unicorn is a vital component to swinging, not only for the couples who seek them but also for the rest of us.  The reason is because the idea of being with a single woman brings more people into the lifestyle; people see it as an easy first step.  I don't happen to agree that it's an easy step; in fact, I think that trying to be with a single woman is probably one of the most difficult things for a couple to negotiate and probably should be done only after the couple has had more experience.

I think the primary reasons why new couples want to be with a single woman are because the man wants to have sex with another woman and the woman wants to have sex with someone other than their husband, and another woman is the only situation her husband finds "acceptable".  This is not an equal state of affairs and selfishly motivated.  While I think that there is also smaller contingent of women who are genuinely interested in having sex with another woman.  However, I think that this is still not motivated out of the desire to have a shared experience with the unicorn.

Next, there are problems with a new couple engaging in a three-way dynamic.  A couple gets used to having sex with each other, adding a third can be exciting and novels, but it also means that, at times, one of the members of the couple will be unoccupied.  Now, while most men know how to "entertain" themselves while the two women get it on, it has been my experience that there is nothing that kills the mood quicker than when a woman feels neglected in the bedroom.  So be it the woman in the couple or the unicorn, great care must be taken to ensure that the woman who is not actively engaged in the encounter feels included and cared for.  Otherwise, things will cool off quickly.  After all, no woman wants to reflect on whether or not they made the right decision to be in this encounter while the other two people are having sex in front of her.

Again, thank you for your thoughts and giving me the opportunity to reflect on this topic with new eyes.  Keep your chin up and thanks for being a great example of a single woman in the lifestyle.

Best and warmest,

Mr Swap Fu

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