Thursday, December 29, 2011

Episode 41: Casualties of the Lifestyle

The Spanker Revealed
OpeningSwingers getting a bad wrap from shows like “Disappeared”
Swingers at a family event.  What happened? Pro tip: Just invite smart friends ;)

Get Togethers -- Woop Woop!
There ain’t no such thing as a small get together
Must develop a party checklist -- the checklist manifesto by Atul Gawande
We played the LMFAO Pandora station at our get together... Best. Idea. Ever.
Good success show less-threatening porn for parties: Sapphic Erotica and Andrew BlakeGuest list management: Don't invite a couple to a party just because you like one of them. Odds are their other half won't be liked by anyone else either.
Discussing the ongoing single guy dilemma.
Burning Up at Re-entry AKA the Sunday to Monday crash
-- The dream-wake state of that first Monday morning meeting. Your head is still partying naked with a bunch of swingers and but your body is sitting on a conference call with Milwaukee.
-- You have to keep quiet about what you did while your coworkers regale you with stories about bowling and their cats.

Please share your experiences with us... how do you handle the return to normalcy?
Shout outs
Boris and Doris Podcast
Sparky's Open Source Podcast
Mr and Mrs W Daily
Dirtybit Podcast
Caramel Craze

Episode music: We are loving the UK band The Vaccines and the butt-rocking tune "Wetsuit" Please buy their music, we did ;)

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Episode 40: We're Not Experts, But We Know Some

What's the Fu been up to?
  1. Co-hosting a party.  Shared responsibilities. Opportunity to meet new people.
  2. Swinger friends rule because they get excited and bring drinks, snacks and toys!  They also care better care of your stuff and have fun!
  3. Staying sober until 11:30 helped Mr Fu.
  4. As hosts, be ready to meet people.  "Welcome to our home!"
    Shout Outs:
    1. Thank you for "flood" of responses to the gusher topic
      1. Three doctors weighing in
      2. We've got a lot of practice ahead of us
    2. Younger swingers
      1. They play, and
      2. We've witnessed it! Thank you A and A
    1. Continue smaller get togethers
    2. Gushing practice!
    3. The New Years Eve dilemma
    Our music for this episode is, once again, Metric.  This time the song is "Help, I'm Alive" off the album Fantasies.

    Monday, November 28, 2011

    Episode 39: Female Ejaculation -- Female Empowerment or Just a Clumsy Clinical Term

    Hang in there for fun! -- Photo courtesy of Cliff and Jaime

    What did the Fu do?
    1. Full Moon Party
    2. Photo shoot: The beauty and the... where did he go?
    3. Thanksgiving vs Friends Giving vs Black Friday
    4. Enjoying having friends over
    5. Guy with the hat update
    6. We had an anniversary.  Thank you for the well wishes
    1. Ms Swap Fu wants to learn more about female ejaculation
    2. Squirting? Prevalence
    Shout Out
    Safety first! -- Photo courtesy of Cliff and Jaime
    1. Sex swing camouflage pictures! Thank you Cliff and Jaime for the awesome photos.
    2. The Fu loves "The League" watch it on Netflix
    3. Blog comment regarding younger swingers and whether or not they ever get down to business.  They did at 4 AM after the pub crawl
    4. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
    5. Support Planned Parenthood this holiday season!
    I can't believe it's taken us this long to feature a song by Future Islands! We've been listening to this band pretty much non-stop for the last few months. This episode's song is "Walking Through that Door" on the album In Evening Air. Learn more about this excellent band at

      Friday, November 11, 2011

      Episode 38: What's Been Bugging the Fu's

      Shout outs to long haul truckers, Australian travelers and (Great website!!)

      What's been bugging the Fu's?
      Learning to embrace age differences
      Different Swinging Styles
      And being in the moment... (Thank you Doris!)
      Also... Halloween Party recap!

      We're going to the Moon Party at Pace Bend Park... come join us!!

      Episode Music "Never Saw the Point" by Cults.  Awesome music. :)

      Sorry for our audio problems... damn USB mics are giving me fits on my slow laptop.

      Monday, October 24, 2011

      Episode 37: Dating for Two or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Ms Swap Fu's Period

      Pre-production notes!!
      Tell us you're not a little impressed.
      Thank you for your blog comments and voicemails!

      Warming up the house slowly

      Mas Vegas: Some more details given in context of how we don't go into details

      Mindfulness: Were we in the right headspace?

      Thank you Dan Savage for giving us some insight on the dating mind -- we're all newbies so -- cut yourself some slack

      Mr Swap Fu is The Period Whisperer

      Girls Uncorked redux

      This episode's music is "Electronic Fences" by Computer Magic, a solo project based out of Brooklyn -- More information at

      Sunday, October 9, 2011

      Episode 36: Don't call it a cumback!

      We're finally moved into the new place... mostly.  We're back!

      Ms Swap Fu gets Uncorked.  Join the Girls Uncorked chapter in your city.
      Las Vegas trip highlights and tips and tricks for swinger travel newbies
      The Sex-Related Injury
      We talk about staying active in the lifestyle during a life transition
      FuGrrl wants to know how you gracefully exit a sexual situation that just got weird... email her

      Thank you for the your patience, emails and iTunes reviews.  Hopefully we're back on schedule now.

      Enjoy this episode's hot, hot music "Come Closer" by Miles Kane

      Follow @SwapFu and @FuGrrl on Twitter

      Wednesday, August 24, 2011

      A short hiatus for the podcast

      Hello loyal listeners!

      Unfortunately, we wish we had better news for you guys but it may be a month or so before we have another podcast.  We're are officially on hiatus!  Not sure what the word means, but's it's got "Hi" in it, so it must be kinda good.*

      Not that you should care especially, but the sitch is that we're in the process of selling our house, moving into an apartment and then, shortly after, moving into another house.  (We're also signing all kinds of shit that remind us that we need to make more money.)  Small things for sure, but Ms Swap Fu and I don't do this often enough to be good at it and we don't feel that we'd be able to deliver the podcast in a timely manner.  It's been pandemonium up in this piece of, dare I say, biblical proportions.  We've been told our upheaval is the cause of the Great East Coast Earthquake, Spiderman: The Music, the Brain Eating Amoeba and Bert and Ernie coming out.

      So there you have it.  We'll be back in a month or so.  Until then, keep swinging fuckers!!!

      *The Swap Fu podcast does not condone the use of marijuana or any other mind altering (read: fun) substances unless you are within your legal right to do so.  BTW, Hiatus also has "ate us" in it...  Gigiddy.

      Monday, August 8, 2011

      Episode 35: Don't Tase me bro!

      What's the Fu been up to? Ms Swap Fu gets her kink on with a guy in Lederhosen
      Ms Swap Fu meets Johnny Taser
      Booty call -- Buffalo Wild Wings interrupted
      The Trojan Truck -- Where's the Wienermobile when you need it?
      Hotel party -- Our party planned shared. Good setup
      Self-improvement and the lifestyle
      What can you work on? What do you do about what you can't work on?
      Repetition is your best tool
      The sweet gift of the emotionally mature relationship -- allowing yourself to feel big feelings without the world imploding

      Follow Fugrrl on Twitter!
      Thanks for iTunes reviews
      Shout out to South Carolina Lizard Sex

      The music for this episode is in remembrance of the incomparable Amy Winehouse who died tragically since our last podcast. Ms Winehouse sang her way into my wife's heart to become her favorite singer. I too was fan. The song is "Back to Black" from the album of the same name. Rest in peace, sad little bird.

      Wednesday, July 20, 2011

      Episode 34: Swap Fu Finds Trapeze Just Peachy

      What did the Fu do?
      1. Meeting our hot friends at the amazing Swinger Mecca: Trapeze Atlanta
      1. Swinger date dynamics. Get private!
      2. Never the hook up -- you see them over and over and you never hook up
      3. The Jackknifed four-way
      4. Guys that can't stop watching their girl and the power of the switchback
      This and That
      1. After-party participant selection. Yes, you still have to plan.
      2. Should we disclose our online presence?
      3. We're going to Vegas Sept 23. What are you doing?
      4. Thank you for the iTunes love!
      5. Short Bus by John Cameron Mitchell movie discussion
      Episode music is "Topaz" by the Athens, GA band The B-52s. Not only does this song honor of our friends in Atlanta, but also it's Mr Swap Fu's favorite by this most excellent band... Tin Roof! Rusted.

      Friday, July 1, 2011

      Episode 33: Swinger River Ramblings and Relearning to Flirt


      Your friendly neighborhood swingers, the Fu's take you to the river as they rundown the highs and lows of the Krewe of Swingtown Guadalupe River Trip

      Battling vanillas for river domination

      In praise of Boris and Doris and the Swingercast Friends

      Mr Swap Fu talks about relearning to bringing flirting back to his vanilla life.  Where do you draw the line?

      We're going to Vegas!  Come meet us!  Sept. 23 - 26
      What a Canadian public health worker might look
      like after visiting a swinger club back room.

      In the news:
      Canadian public health research zeros in on swingers
      Ask Amy weighs in on swinging


      In honor of our delirious weekend, we've chose "My Delirium" by Ladyhawke as the episode song.  The album is called Ladyhawke.  We've been listening to this album a lot... haven't fucked to it yet, but that's just a matter of time.

      Tuesday, June 21, 2011

      The Good Kind of Busy

      Mr Swap Fu here...

      It will be a week or so before we post another Swap Fu Podcast episode.  This is not due to lack of content but a lack of time.  We've been very busy working and having fun.  Like the title says, it's a good kind of busy. :)  Next weekend we're going on the Krewe of Swingtown Guadalupe River trip so we will probably have a lot to talk about around that.

      All the best!

      Sunday, June 12, 2011

      Episode 32: We banned Nirvana!

      People ask us about our musical tastes.  We generally broaden our musical selections by listening to channels we like on Pandora.

      Our favorite stations are:

      • Ladytron
      • Au Revoir Simone
      • The Ting Tings
      • The Killers
      • The Sounds
      Mr. Swap Fu mourns his 20's last to grunge.

      Condom update: Female condoms... Out! (Thanks Allie)

      What's the Fu been up to?
      Enjoying the what all our efforts have yielded.  You should too!
      Two amazing dates
      The new walk of shame!
      Super fun night at Mystique!

      Odds and Ends
      Israel police raid swingers party looking for pot
      New listener erotica page starting this week.  Thank you!!

      Thank you!  We love our listeners and thank you for the amazing iTunes reviews!

      To J.  Hang in there, baby!!

      As much as it pains us, this episode's music is "Cherry Pie" by Warrant.  Our salute to the Hair Bands.  Regarding this song...
      Mr Swap Fu: This song is ridiculous!
      Ms Swap Fu: Ridiculously awesome!

      Sunday, June 5, 2011

      Episode 31: Don't assume you're both on the same page. Teaching swingers to take a break before the sex.

      Shout outs
      1. Positive reviews on iTunes. Keep them coming, they help us share the podcast with other swingers and wanna be swingers.
      2. Always, thank you to our awesome listeners and twitter followers
      Fu News
      1. Naked Condom’s $56 dozen.  Naked Foundation
      2. Wii Dare you to buy this game. More info
      Related to Friends First, Fuck First.  Is it a Part II?:
      Thank you to the listeners for supplying topic.  How to touch base in the middle of the date to pull the handbrake, or on the positive, let your partner know you want to escalate.
      1. Make a Plan and a Plan B
      2. Make a communication plan, set a time
        1. At club
          1. Say hi to friend
          2. Talk to DJ, bartender
        2. At date
          1. Text your partner from bathroom
          2. Leg squeeze
      3. Make it clear that you do not necessarily play on the first date
      4. Limit pre-date conversation: Front-loading date too much
      Where are we going?
      1. River Trip June 24 - 26

      We are featuring the song "Breathe" by Telepopmusik as the episode song because we took a short breather away from the podcast to rethink a few things regarding how we were producing it. Yes, this was Version 2 of this recording... Version 1 ran off the rails and we decided to give it another shot after a soggy but fun Memorial Day weekend in Chicago. Telepopmusik is an amazing band from France. Yes! France! We love that enigmatic country. Check them out here. If you like them, please buy their album, like we did. :)

      Saturday, May 14, 2011

      Episode 30: Friends first or frak first? What's a Fu to do?

      Meet us on the Guadalupe River with the Krewe of Swingtown: June 24 - 26
      Memorial Day in Chicago. Come for the Fu, stay for the Leather: May 27 - 30
      Glow in the dark party at Mystique.  Will we reconnect with our raver past?
      Pro Tips: Always take time to meet new people at the club.  It will give you a chance to step away and reconnect with your partner... and to make new friends.
      New couple makes an effort -- and Ms Swap Fu likes it, bi the way.
      Do the hosts of at house party have to stay up? What constitutes a house party?
      Today's Topic is ripped from the pages of -- friends first or play first?
      How is swinging like Clash of the Titans?
      Are we here to make friends?

      Your feedback keeps us going.  Please leave us a comment on iTunes!!

      We get a lot of comments about our music selections.  We try to pick songs that relate in some way to the topic being discussed.  This episode's music is "Sick Muse" by the fantastic Canadian band Mertic off their album Fantasies.  We've selected this song because it deals with the way people's expectations of falling in love can get in the way of leading the life we truly want to lead.  We think that this is why so many couples specify that they want to be friends first before they play; they have an expectation to have more meaning connection before having sex with people.  Our episode topic deals with this.

      Click here to listen to this episode

      Tuesday, May 10, 2011

      Hop in the Swap Fu Time Machine

      What the Swap Fu time machine may look like
      Like an awkward trip back to your old elementary school, the first 10 episodes of the Swap Fu Podcast are once again available on iTunes.  Ms Swap Fu and I unshackled Pissy Pits, our techno-gimp just long enough to fix our podcast feed.  Now, back in the hole, Pissy Pits!

      Join us in taking a trip down memory lane, to a hazier, newbie-er time, when two American Swingery Swingers decided to get drunk and plug in two headset into a crappy laptop and tried to crack each other up for an hour.  So, please enjoy your trip in our time machine responsibly.  Try to not 1.) a cause a rift in time, 2.) fuck your younger self or 3.) save disco -- it's dead, and we're glad.

      Of course, the old episodes have always been available on this blog, but hell, nobody reads these things anyway -- or anything else.  See you're not even reading this now, are you? ;)

      Thursday, May 5, 2011

      Episode 29: House Party Pro Tips... Be Safe. Be Polite. Be Fun.

      News and Shout Outs:
      Welcome to the swinger podcast world Sparky’s Open Source!  Bringing you swinging from a Canadian perspective

      Planned Parenthood

      Peoria Swinger Club Crackdown

      National Coalition for Sexual Freedom

      Non-negative news coverage of Swinging in San Antonio, from a Fox station no less

      Ask Dan and Jennifer tips for house party success:  Be safe, be polite and be fun

      How to building sexual tension prior to a swinger house party.  Ms Swap Fu shares how she stokes the fire all day long

      Fashionably late?  How late is too late to arrive to a house party?

      At the party...
      Reporting back on Mr Swap Fu’s communication progress
      Same room issues... people have different foreplay needs.  Same room can exacerbate this.
      Ms Swap Fu relaxes in her favorite way
      Expanding your repertoire -- get a training partner!
      Ladies, keep your heels on during sex!

      Episode music in honor of Cinco de Mayo "Que No Pare" by La Super Maquina

      Sunday, April 24, 2011

      Episode 28: A Story of Spilled Lube and Beads for the Leather Daddies

      1. Some shout outs:
        1. Check out this blog: A Swinging Good Time
        2. Thank you for the first cool Moon Party
        3. Still going to the Guadalupe River Trip. Are you?
      2. Please remember to include location and age in your emails and voicemails to us.
      3. Interview with the Havanas postponed. The questions we asked them are:
        1. What we your initial reservation regarding entering the lifestyle?
        2. What new reservations have there been since entering?
        3. What would you like to do next?
        4. What advice would you give to people considering entering the lifestyle?
      4. Breaking away from a high-pressure situation (house party invitation)
      5. Mr Swap Fu needs to relearn to break the ice -- post-female bonding maneuvers in the dark.
      6. Austin is where they keep the hotness.
      7. An inauspicious return to San Antonio Players.
      8. Don't Google IMrL while at work AKA our return to Chicago
      Episode music "Queen of Apologies" by The Sounds. Selected because I'm still waiting for my apology from a certain couple... so it goes.

      Tuesday, April 12, 2011

      Episode 27: What Guy Do You Want to Be, Swinger?

      In this short episode we discuss last weekend's date and swinger club visit.  We discuss the pitfalls of being in a busy group room and the importance of focusing on play-partner.

      It was Mr Havana's birthday and we were very happy to celebrate with him and his beautiful wife.

      Mr Swap Fu has seriously cut back his drinking... we discuss the benefits and the difference between partying and swinging.  Yes, there is a difference.

      Episode music is "Follow your Bliss" by the B-52s.  Few things are as satisfying as helping those around you attain their own bliss.

      Click here to download this episode. :)

      Wednesday, April 6, 2011

      Why the Facebook is Fu'less

      Listeners often ask us where they can find us on Facebook.  The short answer is, "You can't".

      Neither Ms Swap Fu nor I keep accounts on the ubiquitous social media site -- personal, podcast related, or otherwise.  We have many reason for this, mostly related to the inherent dangers of entrusting a profit-motivated corporation with your private information.  But more pragmatically, it boils down to two points, 1.) you are going to do dumb ass shit online, and 2.) it's going to be there forever.

      It wouldn't be right for me to write this post without listing horror stories.  Specifically, several friends of ours have had their jobs compromised because of things they have posted on Facebook.  Two have lost their jobs because they posted dated pictures of themselves partying on supposed "sick days".  Stupid?  The pictures?  Certainly.  But have you ever played hooky?  I have.  Who's to say someone else isn't going to post a picture of you and tagging it.  But theres' ways of preventing that.  Of course there are, and have fun policing that... forever.

      Another was passed over for a promotion.  A source close to the manager responsible told my friend that stuff in her Facebook profile was used as evidence of moral turpitude.  Things she had posted three years prior.  Should you have to pay for your "mistakes"... forever?

      Still others spent extended periods without a job (I suspect) because their Facebook profiles, which were of course linked to the email addresses at the top of their resume.  Rookie mistake, right?  Sure, but it's another thing you have to be aware of and monitor... forever.

      Now, you may say that these people were being singled out as target for other reasons.  I assure that that was not the case.  In fact, every employer I have worked for in the last 12 years has engaged outside parties to regularly troll the Internet for information about their employees and online background checks are the absolute norm for all job applicants.  This policy is generally mandated by their insurers in order to safeguard against shrinkage, intellectual property and productivity loss as well as to reduce the risk of workplace harm.  The problem is these third parties did not mandate how the information will be used by the companies; their only job is only to report.

      But don't take my freaky, libertarian, swinger word for it, I feel like it was all much better stated by Wired Magazine's UK editor in this article.

      Now... let's not get into how creepy it is when you get a friend request from your Aunt Mildred.

      Monday, April 4, 2011

      Episode 26: Swingers Never Stand Still

      Why do swingers travel so much??

      We discuss our recent trip to Fort Worth to meet our fellow Texan podcasters Boris and Doris.  Check them out!

      Mr Swap Fu meets listeners in Las Vegas, inciting an interesting conversation about vanillas dropping swinger hints.

      A listener question helps us further discuss transitioning a swinger play relationship to non-play.  We conclude... nothing. lol

      Join us for the Guadalupe River Trip the weekend of June 25.  More information here:

      Episode Music "Young Folks" by Peter, Bjorn and John

      Apologies for Mr Swap Fu's audio problems... never to be repeated. ;)

      Thursday, March 17, 2011

      Episode 25: The Fu's Enjoy Some Hot, Wet, Sticky Success

      Short notes...

      We've been having a lot of fun lately.  We run down the last couple weeks of swinging success.
      Shout outs to fellow Texan swinger podcasters LifeStyleLife and Boris & Doris, check them out at:
      Boris & Doris

      We talk about double blow jobs and a very hot hotel hook up... more to come??

      Episode Music in honor of St Patrick's Day "Sayonara" by The Pogues

      Wednesday, March 2, 2011

      An Attempt to Explain the Female vs Male Bisexuality Double-Standard Among Swingers

      Female bisexual behavior is considered almost de rigueur in the swinging lifestyle while male bisexual activity is generally considered unwelcome -- although not unknown.  This discrepancy has been getting much attention of late; potentially causing fissures in a community already embattled by those with opposing moral views.  In an effort to bring some perspective to the matter, I thought it would be useful to lend my view on why this discrepancy exists.  At the end of this examination I will detail where I stand on the argument.

      The reason male bisexuality is discouraged in the lifestyle is to empower women.

      Now bear with me...

      The old chestnut in swinging is that women are in charge.  This, of course, is utter bullshit.  In the lifestyle, as in most other things, it is men and women making decisions together.  A relationship between two people, whether in the lifestyle or the vanilla world, consists of series of compromises, of give and take.  Otherwise none of us would be able to make even the smallest decisions as a couple to get things done in life without a fight, or worse yet, without resorting to deceit.  As they make these compromises, members of the couple will tend to fall into the same roles.  Negotiation tactics are developed for dealing with different situations.  This, in fact, is why the lifestyle works best for people with good communication skills and possess the ability to compromise; this is what makes strong relationships.  (An aside... I believe the lower divorce rate for marriages in the lifestyle has more to do with these skills than anything to do with sexual gratification.)

      Entering the lifestyle is one of the most high-involvement decisions a couple will make.  Typically, the male-half wants sexual variety and the female, while also desirous, is hesitant to put the relationship at risk.  In order to gain her buy-in, the male assures her that she will get to "call the shots".  This is a legitimate tactic commonly employed outside of swinging.  You give a little in order to get a lot in return.

      At swinger clubs, women will typically engage in bisexual play with each other.  During this time, the guys watch the action and wait to be allowed to join the game.  This is a way for women to call the shots.  It works on multiple levels.  First, when women play with other women they will more than likely have the undivided attention of the men; it gives them the opportunity to feel desired, which makes them feel good.  Next, it gives them the opportunity experience sexual novelty.  However, neither of these are the most important reason, which is that it allows the women to decide with whom their partner will have sex.  The women, are in-effect, vetting potential sexual partners for the men.  If the woman does not play with a woman, odds are neither will her partner.  Further, even after having played with another woman, if the female half of the couple feels that the other woman could be a threat to the relationship, the other woman would be discarded as a potential play partner for the male half.  However, if all goes well, then male-half will be allowed to have sex with the other woman.  The female half calls the shots, and that was bargain.

      The best part is that it works.  After all, most men are happy "just to be there".  The mere possibility of having sex with another partner keeps men interested.  This explains why it costs twice as much for single men to join a swinger club than it does for a couple or for a single woman to join -- and the single men are always there!  Just being there is gratifying, and if something were to happen?  All the better.

      Men playing other men breaks the deal.  By doing so, men would be taking back some of the control they yielded to their partners.  It messes with the dynamic because women would no longer be the gate keepers of the men's sexual activities and thus would feel like they are adding risk to the relationship.  Swingers have cultural understanding of this dynamic and this is why they protect it.  It's not done at a conscious level; it's simply a case of, "We've arrived at this point, and it's working."

      So where do I stand on whether or not male bisexual behavior should be more widely accepted in the lifestyle?  I contend that it is tacitly accepted and regarded as another natural variation in the lifestyle.  The reason we don't see more of it is because it done exclusively in private between consenting parties, and not in the open, where the current, functioning dynamic is holding the whole works together.  In other words, you will rarely, if ever, see it at a swinger club.

      My wife and I love swinging and while we love intimate encounters with other couples in a private setting, we would like to continue to be able to go to clubs and meet new couples.  I am a very sexually open person and will advocate anyone's right to sexual self-expression, however if discouraging male bisexual behavior at the swinger clubs means more people will enter the lifestyle, then I am, much to my chagrin, on board with it.

      I hope this rant adds to this discussion and helps clarify my position on this delicate topic.

      (In an attempt to reach a broader readership, I've asked that this entry be cross-posted on Life on the Swingset)

      Tuesday, March 1, 2011

      Be realistic about mythical creatures... A unicorn speaks out


      just a quick note to say that I listened to the most recent podcast and the unicorn talk resonated with me of course! The idea that couples are looking for the omni-available but not clingy , experienced but probably not nasty, and oh-so beautiful woman to share their bed made me laugh a bit bitterly.  It probably resonated all the more so because I just had to get a little rude with an ex-possible couple.  I say couple but it was always the guy who was in contact and he would not fuck off when told to do so nicely!  I originally made the rookie mistake of hanging on and thinking that he would get a clue and because I thought his wife was both hot and nice.  Stupid me, but in hindsight my main bitch was that I had to be perfect for them (him?) in word and deed but it seemed like my feelings and requests were, in ascending order of gravity, not understood, not listened to or just dismissed out of hand.  Perhaps an extreme case but my advice to couples looking for a unicorn is to not only to put yourself in her shoes but to use those 'famous' communication skills that are so good between swinging partners and actually ask her what she feels about the situation and what she wants.  Act on the information if it lines up with what you want.  If it isn't a fit for you then be cool and direct about it when you explain why. 

      End of rant!  Please feel free to forward, publish or reference as much as you want,

      Our response...

      Dearest C,

      Thanks for your thoughts.  I'm sorry you had to get rude with that guy.  People can be very insensitive and we feel badly when anyone is mistreated in the lifestyle.  The unicorn is a vital component to swinging, not only for the couples who seek them but also for the rest of us.  The reason is because the idea of being with a single woman brings more people into the lifestyle; people see it as an easy first step.  I don't happen to agree that it's an easy step; in fact, I think that trying to be with a single woman is probably one of the most difficult things for a couple to negotiate and probably should be done only after the couple has had more experience.

      I think the primary reasons why new couples want to be with a single woman are because the man wants to have sex with another woman and the woman wants to have sex with someone other than their husband, and another woman is the only situation her husband finds "acceptable".  This is not an equal state of affairs and selfishly motivated.  While I think that there is also smaller contingent of women who are genuinely interested in having sex with another woman.  However, I think that this is still not motivated out of the desire to have a shared experience with the unicorn.

      Next, there are problems with a new couple engaging in a three-way dynamic.  A couple gets used to having sex with each other, adding a third can be exciting and novels, but it also means that, at times, one of the members of the couple will be unoccupied.  Now, while most men know how to "entertain" themselves while the two women get it on, it has been my experience that there is nothing that kills the mood quicker than when a woman feels neglected in the bedroom.  So be it the woman in the couple or the unicorn, great care must be taken to ensure that the woman who is not actively engaged in the encounter feels included and cared for.  Otherwise, things will cool off quickly.  After all, no woman wants to reflect on whether or not they made the right decision to be in this encounter while the other two people are having sex in front of her.

      Again, thank you for your thoughts and giving me the opportunity to reflect on this topic with new eyes.  Keep your chin up and thanks for being a great example of a single woman in the lifestyle.

      Best and warmest,

      Mr Swap Fu

      Episode 24: Two Swingers Realign or The Boobie Game Examined

      Swap Fu would like to thank all our loyal listeners!  Tell your swinger friends about us and please give us positive feedback on iTunes if you have a second.  It takes no time, really.

      1. Mr Swap Fu is a Texas Nerd, so we talk about BBQ Tech
      2. Praise to the informed Swingers out there
      3. Swinger dating sites are an under-utilized resource
      4. The swinger dating sites need better travel discussion modules
      5. Will Swap Fu ever speak at a swinger takeover event?
      6. Will Swap Fu ever GO to a swinger takeover?
      7. Making time for our vanilla friends
      8. The Return to the "Other Club".  How did it go?
      9. The Fu's discuss the Boobie Game and propose a theory about why it exists.
      10. Did we tell you always have to have Plan B?

      It's our last episode before Mardi Gras!  Episode music, "Here to Stay" by the Rebirth Brass Band

      Thursday, February 24, 2011

      Episode 23: It's the First Anniversary of this Podcast... so we spanked the tar out of it

      Australia... you are being underserved
      Planned Parenthood needs you now
      Shout out to Boris and DorisShout out to couples at Desire -- negotiatate your vacation -- because you can't put pictures of cocks up in your cubicle
      The first annual Swap Fu Cock-ation Calendar
      The dreaded blind date
      Do you want a unicorn or do you want an escort?
      Transitioning a relationship with another couple from swinging to non-swinging.

      Episode Song "Mating Game" by Bitter:Sweet

      Support Planned Parenthood!!

      Thursday, February 17, 2011

      A new look and some new pages

      We decided the give the website a once-over.  We've added an About Us section, some more info on Planned Parenthood and our Endorsements policy (in the About Us page).

      We're also following the LifeStyleLife's example and joined the Kampaign 4 Kasidie.  There's a link at the top explaining why we have joined this movement.

      Do you like the new color scheme?  Are we missing something?  Let us know.

      Thursday, February 10, 2011

      A listeners first time...

      We promised to post J and F's first experience... please read it below.  J and F are German and English is not their first language, but I think you will agree that the heat of this experience easily cuts through any language problems.

      Hello Ms. SwapFu, hello Mr. SwapFu,

      If you are still interested in getting some information about other couples experiences in getting in the lifestyle.
      Well - shortly something about ourselves: we are a married couple (lucky since 25 years) in our very early 50ies. Living in the south of Germany near a city where cars are manufactured starting with 'P' amd 'M'.

      For a long time the male (now writing) was surfing the web on different adult sites. Then, our children were getting independent, but still living at home, our female part got interested in his 'internetactivities'.
      At the same time she started listening to your podcast. It’s a funny feeling when you are exercising in the gym beside your wife and she bursts out in laughter from time to time – and you know what she is listening to ;-) .
      After long talks (our TV may be sold in this time for matters of inactivity), we decided to visit a swinerclub only for couples in the middle of march.
      However, it went different.
      After signing up a swingersite (with some - we find them beautiful -  photographs of us) we got a respond within two days from a slighty older, expierienced couple which invited us to a clubevening in a swingerclub about 150 km in distance (100 miles). And they invited us to stay over night at their home.
      We set our borders: Go there, look at all, maximum should be soft swap, kissing ... depends on sympathy. Intercourse only with ourselves.
      After spending lots of money for a club-outfit we showered, shaved and went dressed up to the inviting couple. The welcome was very warm with some champagne by the guy from the couple. His wife went shortly after in from the bathroom already in her club-outfit. Left me breathless for a moment – my wife too. Then we chatted a while, where given some advices for behaving in the club (smile, talk, be friendly, don't drink too much -  or you'll have troubles to get/stay hard).
      Then hopped in the car, drove about an hour to the club. With heavily beating hearts we rang, the door opened, we went to the check-in, payed our fee and were directed to the dressing rooms. Well, as we were already set up for the evening, we didn’t need to spend much time for dressing and went back upstairs for a tour through the club.
      A strange look … everywhere more or less dressed people in very erotic outfits. Chatting and having a good time at the bar and in the disco. The ‘playgrounds’ were not used at this moment. Another glass of champagne at the bar, a little snack at the buffet (skin to skin with very less dressed men and women).
      Then we, overwhelmed by the atmosphere, were ‘forced’ by our two hosts to start a little dancing in the disco. Soon it went into a dancing of my wife with the male part of our hosts, me with the wife and we four altogether. Hands went over bodyparts of formerly ‘strangers’ leaving no part unexplored.
      Heated up like this we were ‘pulled’ to the playgrounds.
      There we started with undressing, exploring and … and … and…suddenly I went down on the hosts wife, my wife moaning under the hands of our host. Awesome!
      Suddenly a question whispered in my ear: Wanna fuck me? Not wanting to break the rules with my wife I leaned over to her and asked her if I ..? The answer was very short: Fuck her!
      Meanwhile I was so overwhelmed that I, after putting a condom on, just got inside her but my dick was not hard to finish penetration successful. Technical malfunction …
      My wife meanwhile was licked to orgasm by out host. She was very loud and a solo witness who joined the playground said loud as she was heavently breathing after a orgasm: 'Yeah baby!' What a compliment.
      Then she grabbed a condom, put it over the hard dick of our host and went on her knees to get in the right position to be entered by him from behind. The noises went higher again and seized as she began to go down on me. She orgasmed as loud as possible (with me in her mouth). Our host left her, she laid on her back, cause she recognized my hard cock and begged me to fuck her. I went over her and filled her – first with my dick, then with my cum.
      Meanwhile another young couple joined the playground, first finger fucked and then did it in good 'old style' missionary.
      The girl came, snatched her towel and left the boy who was left unsatisfied. As relaxed as we were we asked him what happened. Here his short story: The gal picked him up on the dancefloor – pulled him on the playground – and rest we saw…
      Our host has fingered him while he talked and she invited him to fuck her. They started, my wife and I looked at another and grinned. We started to caress and lick the boobs of our host simultaneously until she and the young guy got off. After the young guy rolled off, her husband started to fuck her hard until they came together hot and loud.
      After relaxing a short time on the mattresses we snatched our belongings – tidied the room for other users and went to shower.
      The evening went on with watching very erotic scenes in the BDSM dungeon, listening and watching other couples having fun, talking to other people, getting a solo lick from my wife on a bed which was connected with chains to the ceiling. Funny feeling when you lie on your back, getting a blowjob from your wife and you hear people saying as they walk by:’Look, there is J. doing F.’.

      Later in the evening – early morning- , after driving home from the club, we sat together with out hosts, had two bottles of red wine, and talked until the early morning. The following day was a mess – lack of sleep, head full of pictures and positive emotions.

      Well, that’s our story about entering the ‘lifestyle’. And we are not going to leave it!

      Thanks for your podcast, which is – in fact – very educational and funny, in short words: perfect for our first steps.
      By the way: J. has not reached the actual podcast, but she is working on it!

      Love and kisses out of good old Germany!

      J. and F.

      PS.: We plan to travel to Burningman 2012. Are you participating?